My Father Blessing Ritual

For the past 8 months I’ve been experiencing a baby bump growing inside my girlfriend. It’s been a magical time, witnessing the development of a new human being in utero. It’s also been a time of challenges – dealing with my beloved’s body changing size significantly, sex positions becoming more challenging, our relationship dynamic shifting, and the impending knowledge that I will soon be a father with a dependant being relying on us both to survive.

My good friend Erik had hosted a “man bath” event for himself right before he became a father, and he suggested I do the same. It’s a long-time custom for women to have a “baby shower” event while pregnant, but we weren’t aware of any similar event for men. So he and I crafted one. It was a truly powerful event, and we feel like the idea of a “father blessing” should be spread within the realm of conscious masculinity.

I invited my best male friends over on a Saturday evening, including the dads that I know. We opened with a potluck, as sharing food knits community together. After dinner we moved to the living room and sat in circle. Erik burnt sage, to cleanse the space and our spirits. Then, we simply went around the circle and each man shared about his relationship with his father, and his experience of being a father if he was one. It was amazing! It lasted a good long while. We took a stretch break mid-way through, and then continued.

The wide variety of father-son relationships that exist is fascinating. I was struck by the different things that men hold dear about their fathers, and the wisdom that was shared.

One man talked about the transformative moment when he was 11 years old and was able to show his father a better technique to accomplish a construction task, changing their dynamic forever. I’m looking forward to learning lots from my incoming son as he comes into his own.

One man talked about how his father was more of a friend than a parent, and the pros and cons of that situation.

One man talked about transitioning from a parent-son relationship into a friendship relationship with his father later in life. As I approach my current right-of-passage, I know there are more in my future.

One man talked about how his father taught him to tune in to his body, and listen to its messages. This is a powerful teaching in our heady times.

One man talked about how his father taught him the ability to create something from nothing. The potential for new businesses, arts, and experiences surround us. Stepping into our role as creators allows us to actualize them.

Some men talked about the lack of a good father figure in their life, and the effect that this had on them. I plan on being there for my son deeply during our lifetime together.

In addition to learning wisdom from one another, my father blessing was a powerful bonding event for the men in my life. Most of them were outside my Arka Brotherhood squad, and I’m glad to have been able to share this father wisdom circle with a strong circle of men I’m in connection with.

In addition to learning wisdom from one another, my father blessing was a powerful bonding event for the men in my life. Most of them were outside my Arka Brotherhood squad, and I’m glad to have been able to share this father wisdom circle with a strong circle of men I’m in connection with.

When our wisdom circle share round was over, it was getting late. We did one more “lighting round” of blessings for me, the father-to-be. It was spectacular to receive blessings from each of my close male compatriots, in their different ways. One man invited us all to envision my son there with us as a well-developed healthy 20 year old, journeying into his adulthood. It’s a future vision I’ve shared with my partner to maintain our strength as we approach our son’s birth day.

There’s no blueprint for a “father shower” or “man bath” event. We made it up for ourselves, as creators. I recently heard of another man who had a “father blessing” event involving a sauna, river swimming, and being ‘blessed’ by willow switches by his brothers. It could exist in many different forms, but there’s a clear value in a man marking his passage into fatherhood, with his best brothers around him.

Our society seems to have lost some of the “rights of passage” rituals that help us transition our beings, and the journey into fatherhood is a good example of that. I don’t know what happened in the tribes of old, but I imagine men celebrated and warned fathers to be in magical ways. As we journey into a new age of conscious masculinity, it’s time for more “father blessings”.

If you know a man about to become a father (or are yourself on that journey), I would encourage you to plan a “father blessing” event. It’s definitely worthwhile.